Chef Boy....Part Deux

So chef boy took a wine making class over the weekend, but we made plans to meet for dim sum. Tuesday was ideal given my crazy work schedule etc....that morning he touched base and I planned on taking the 38 up Geary and meeting him for lunch. A little before I was set to catch the bus he texted and said he had an errand to run so he would pick me up. He arrived and I climbed on the back of his vespa, looking adorable in a skirt and new boots dare I say. We were seeking out a new place next to the regular dim sum place he goes to, and to which I had been upon his suggestion. We got all the way there only to find the place we wanted to try was closed so we just went next door. We had a long and lazy lunch, and then when on our way back he let me keep his hands in his pockets as it was cold. He is a bit of a fast driver, which is a win, makes me hold on tighter. He dropped me at my corner and I was a bit bummed when I just got a kiss, but then he said he would pick me up later for a movie. :)

We made plans to see Its Kind of a Funny Story at the Kabuki. He picked me up and I was prepared for the cold, we jetted off, picked up some chimay to sneak in, and had a lovely time, although the movie was a disappointment. We debated cocktails or a return to my place and opted for my place, which was in a word....AWESOME. :) Alas he is off for a two week trip to New Orleans and New York....but I look forward to his return.

Scooter Boy.

Alas I come to final boy, whom shall be called Scooter boy since I already christened J "Chef boy". Scooter boy is a linguist, copy editor, who is starting a green energy co-op. Yea, no seriously, he speaks 6 languages, can you say hawt? From SF, lives in Bernal, a little younger than me and adorable. He has a dacschund for goodness sake! :) Sent me a message and as always we quickly made plans for lunch on Friday. Yea, I know I am a little crazy with the back to back dating, but I am a busy a lot these days....Met for Chinese and had a great lunch. Then we left and were walking along, I with a cute dress and boots on, he asked if he could give me a ride home. I accepted, and there I was for the second day in a row swinging my leg over the back of a scooter. He did not take me directly home, squee! Had a great time, date ended with kiss, and plans for dinner, which I had to reschedule due to work, boo. :(

Alright, we shall see what this week holds, but given my trips to Sacramento and San Diego I think I might be pretty damn busy for any new dates.

Chef Boy.

Let me preface this post with I have dated more in the three months I have lived in the City then I did in the nearly year before I was single in Sacramento. I am not sure what that says, but I am happy for the change. I have never really dated before, as a serial monogamist it can be somewhat problematic to date...lol. Its been refreshing and fun meeting new people and getting to know them, whether it goes anywhere romantically or not.

So with that enter Chef Boy. I had seen his profile, and he seemed fairly adorable, and indicated he was just looking for new friends. He wrote a lot about cooking, changing careers to focus on being a chef, and generally seemed interesting. I sent him a message about sazerac cocktails....and a conversation ensued. Now I figured yay to new friends. We kept up quite an email exchange beginning in September, but our schedules just never really met up. He moved from NOPA to the Presidio, and then was traveling loads, and well work and life have been keeping me busy. However, finally the planets aligned and we made plans to meet on Thursday.

I had to be in Sacramento fro a deposition, but I wanted to meet him so I figured I could make it work. That day he emailed me so we could figure out what we might do, he suggested either cocktails out, or a sunset walk at Chrissy Field with the dog, and a bottle of laphroaig he had just purchased. That email was my first clue I might not just be meeting up for some casual hang out. I mean seriously sunset walk....the boys here are so much better at the date thing! I made it back to the city by 6:30 which sort of estopped the sunset walk.

I rushed to shower, dropped my Here Sweetie delivery with harpygirl, and walked to meet Chef boy at Rickhouse. I had not been, but he said it could be fun. I got there just a bit late, and he was right there, and well....um....swoon. Tall. Shaggy haired. Glasses. Dressed well. And um generally adorable. He gave me a hug and kiss on the cheek, so further swoon. We ended up having several fun cocktails, one scotch based, one rye based, and one bourbon based. We let the waitress guide us, it was fun. Great conversation. Now I had not had dinner given the rush to meet him nor had he. We walked over to Cafe Claude shared a cheese plate and then another cocktail. He has an adorable brand new shiny black Vespa and we walked back to his scooter. He had mentioned making it an early night because he had a friend coming in from Chicago but when we got back to scooter he did not seem all that intent on going home. Instead, he kind of invited himself over. So we scootered over, San Francisco my friends is already a terribly romantic city, but seeing it on the back of a scooter with a cute boy takes the cake. We got back to my place, which was a shambles (well for me, I realize those who know me will know my shambles is other people's clean) Poured us some scotch and we took Sir Trout out for his evening constitutional. We came back, and well making out started that lasted a long time, and I know I had my scotch glass in hand the whole time....and well one thing led to another, and alas, good sex redeems really bad sex.

At around 4 am! he got dressed and went home, and I promptly feel asleep only to awake at 7 am for work! EEKS!

I realize it is not always wise to sleep with people on a first date, well let's face it its never really wise but it can be fun. And this was. I figured maybe I would hear from him, maybe not, no biggie. Alas that morning he texted and we have plans for dim sum next week...not sure what to make of chef boy though. He seems maybe a little out of my league, very handsome, very well educated, very very successful, maybe a little independently wealthy. I am just rolling with it, and appreciating someone who likes good food, fun cocktails, is smart and charming and seems to like me. YAY....

To follow, one more date, with another scooter boy and I think that will catch us up.

Drummer Boy. Actor Boy. Google Boy.

So between the boys I have seen more than once there have been plenty of one time dates.

First up, drummer boy. Now I should probably be smarter given the 8 year relationship I had with drummer boy part 1, but this guy seemed nice, tall, 39, actually making a living as a musician. He invited me out to Samovar at Yerba Buena Gardens and I accepted. I had never been to Samovar and after a quick online consult it looked like an interesting place. I got dolled up and took the opportunity to walk, as its not terribly far from me. We met, he was all that he appeared to be. We had tea, shared a cheese plate, we walked to BART together, and then never spoke or saw each other again. Nothing wrong just nothing right either ....dating is weird like that, you meet people you can talk to, have stuff in common with, share a little laughter with, but alas just not feeling it.

Next, the same day I met foot boy I had plans to meet actor boy at Elixir in the Mission. He seemed cool, graphic designer for a small magazine, but into acting, and seemed to share my interests in good beer. We met for drinks (what is it with boys in the City only picking places in the Mission...I mean I'm just saying...) We had a good time, laughed a hell of a lot I knew I probably never wanted to see him again, and again we said goodbyes, and I wish him the best. Never heard from him again, so I think the lack of interest was mutual and palpable on both parts.

Finally, there was google boy. A bit younger than me, cute, nice, we had loads in common etc. We exchanged several emails, he invited me to a party at his house as our first meeting (which while it might seem weird won him a few points with me) alas I already had plans, so we made dinner plans at La Trappe in North Beach, so we could sample some awesome belgian beers and share a meal. We met up, he was cute, nice, funny, we had a 4 hour meal, beer session. I offered him a ride home, and when we parted he made sure I had his email and phone number. Next day I emailed him to thank him for dinner (he was the first boy I employed this whole I am not even reaching for my wallet thing with given he asked me out....) and to send a link to a website about how to make something we had discussed. We exchanged a few emails, and then nothing. Now ordinarily I would just brush it off but it seemed odd. I have never followed up with him, but he keeps looking at my profile about once a week, so its unclear what happened or what he is thinking. I figure I will leave well enough alone, I think I made it clear I would like to hang out with him again but he just does not seem to be all that terribly interested. C'est la vie.

Foot Boy.

The same weekend that Cuban boy and the girl from Ohio revealed itself I had already arranged to meet up with a couple of fellas who had been kind enough to invite me out and given that prior to my new knowledge the Cuban had been acting weird I happily accepted. I double booked one for coffee the other for drinks in the evening. My coffee date had suggested Four Barrel in the Mission and harpygirl warned me to expect a hipster boy. We had exchanged a couple of messages, but as per usual I like to just meet people and see if there is any connection. He seemed cool, recent move from L.A. originally from Maryland about the same age, loads in common, interesting etc.

We met for coffee, however, only after several text messages regarding his tardiness resulting from BART delays. He was swoon worthy, more so than any of the pictures would indicate. Tall. Dark. Handsome. Cute glasses. Well dressed. Very complimentary to me. Touchy, as in touch my neck etc...our date went well and then sort of abruptly ended because he had made plans with friends.

Alas he walked me to my car and before I even go to the stoplight he had texted me asking me for a second date. :) I was stoked especially in light of the recent Cuban debacle. We made plans for the following Friday. Throughout the week I heard form him daily texting back and forth and the anticipation for our second date increased. We made plans to meet for Burmese and then play it by ear.

We met at the restaurant, had a lovely leisurely meal. I mentioned the meteor shower was going on and after we drove to Ocean Beach to see if we could see anything, but it was too foggy. So instead we walked along the beach and enjoyed the last vestiges of the bonfires. We headed back to my place and sat up talking and having wine. He left at 3am. I was over the moon, until we got to the door, and I got a hug, no kiss, no even weird awkward move in for the kiss. Nothing. Then nothing. No text the next day nothing. I gave him three and then not mad but more befuddled I sent him an email kind of asking what happened.

Below is the message I got back.....

I did not want to say it but I am a pretty kinky guy and it seems like you are not into that at all. However, I do find you to be a very smart, well cultured, and cool lady and if you want to be friends I am more than down to be a new friend in SF. Hope all is well!

LOL was my response. Now not to toot my own horn but obviously this guy had no idea about me. I mean despite my dating information etc he made some pretty HUGE assumptions. I was just fairly happy to have a response and was happy to be just friends. The following weekend was his birthday and I wanted out of town so we went to Bodega Bay for the day. Sat at beach shared a bottle wine, some homemade cheesecakes, had dinner etc. It was a lovely day...until I changed into my flip flops. See his kinky was a foot fetish, and well apparently I have adorable feet. We ended up back at my place and this time I got my kiss and a whole lot more, but no sex, which was fine by me.

Things seemed to be fine, regular texting, hanging out, movies, wine, coffee, no physical interaction. It still seemed weird though it was like we were a hybrid not really dating but not not dating. I could not figure it out and was happily hanging out with lots of other guys....until....

Foot boy had mentioned a band he liked. I looked them up dug their music and saw they were coming to SF. I mentioned it in passing text to him, he then asked if he could come with me. I happily agreed, and in the next few weeks we made plans to meet etc....

Then, two hours before said show he calls me to tell me he is going to the show with someone else but he cant wait to hang out and see me there. This AFTER I had purchased TWO tickets and he had agreed to pay me back. I did not know what to say on the phone and acted ok and hung up. I was not ok. Not because I was upset he wanted to take someone else. Upset to be left hanging two hours before in a City where friends are scant right now, and no real options. I did not see myself as an awkward third wheel and did not feel like going alone and then attempting to avoid him.

I sent an email and a text explaining that his behaviour was not ok. He should have been honest owed me no explanations but should not have made plans with me if he intended to bring someone else, blah blah blah. He replied he was sorry, wanted to pay me back and well that he was sorry for any confusion. That pretty much pissed me off more and I told him that he should maybe not contact me anymore.

I am an open and honest friend and expect the same in return he did not seem to get that I was not upset over some other broad he liked but rather that he lacked the balls to mention anytime before the night of the show.

*Sighs* Trust me readers it does get better as in less douches and more awesome dudes.

The Worst Sex Ever?

I am interrupting the regularly scheduled blog regarding my first dates post-the Cuban to write about my most recent fella.

The Ginger as he shall be annointed is an associate producer for a video game company, fairly recently divorced after 13 years of marriage, but was with the ex really from high school going forward. He's a midwestern transplant to the City. While ordinarily I am not attracted to gingers or to shorter guys (he's only about 5'7") I figured why not and accepted his invitation for dinner. We had made plans to go to Monk's Kettle on a Tuesday evening, but when we arrived it was about an hour wait. The thought of standing with a basic total stranger for an hour AND then eating a meal was a bit much to handle. So instead we walked up Valencia, and ended up at Fritz which is a Belgian style fries place. We had beer, fries, and shared a sandwich, it was a good time. We laughed a lot, had a lot in common, he was cute. I did not feel an instant chemistry or anything, but I had fun. At the end of the meal we decided to head across the street for a cocktail at the Elbo Room. One cocktail turned into two and before I knew it it was 2am. He walked me to my car, we hugged and said farewell. The next day he sent an email with the whole I had a great time....blah, blah, blah.

I decided that even though I did not know whether I was terribly interested in him a romantic way it was worth a second day. My schedule (both social and professional) has been full so it took us a bit to work out a time we could meet but a Sunday evening worked for us both. It would be post an board game meet-up I was going to (hey distractionbike if you're reading!) I ended up having a great time at the meet-up, and the ginger suggested we change the restuarant which is in the Castro because it was Hardly Strictly AND the Castro Street Fair. He suggested a place in Noe Valley which happened to be within walking of where I was so I agreed! We met for dinner, again had a lovely meal, great conversation, went to post dinner drinks (there was some smooching) and then we walked to my car and I gave him a ride home.

Despite the smooches, I think I was still a bit unsure where I was at. I know that I had fun, he was a good kisser, cute, kind, funny, thought I was cute and funny, etc...we were chatting everyday etc, and I certainly found myself liking him more and more. The following week I was checking out harpygirl and hte boy with the guitar at a cafe in Bernal and decided I would hit Ocean Beach afterward. The weather has been simply dreamy in the City. I was chatting with the ginger and mentioned it and he said he wanted ot join me, would meet me at cafe. I was happy, so surely that means I like him! He met me round 10, we drove to beach sat, chatted, smooched, did some star gazing all seemed to be going well. We made plans for Saturday night, a picnic or something.

Saturday I drove back from Sacramento, hurriedly showered etc, and we made plans for him to come to my place and we would head out to watch the sunset (cliche I know, but also a classic, its a cliche for a reason people!). He made it over and we were off, went out to Sutro Baths watched sunset, had burmese at a place on Clement (Pagan) and then back to my place. Opened a fantastic bottle of wine (gary farrell pinot) and then there were lot of smooches. Which led from one thing to another, which brings me to the title of this post.

Seriously it was awful, worse than high school. It lasted less than a minute, no technique, argh! Unfortunately its a deal breaker for me. Now I get he is not super experienced what with the long term marriage etc, but really??? I am hoping its been awhile or something....something....anything! So now its a little awkward because obviously he was aware that it was a less than stellar performance. He spent the night which was nice to be cuddled etc, but well, not sure what to do now. I think I will see him again, and maybe give things another go, but I am far less clear on where I stand now. Sighs. After this I think I may be due a little break from the dating bonanza which I have been engaged.

Argh. I guess the whole you have to kiss a lot of frogs addage reins true.

The Cuban and the Girl from Ohio, Final Act/Fallout.

So there I am with this complete stranger with whom we are both enamored and have slept with, and who in turn has lied to both of us. Her first instinct was to get drunk, mine was to fuck with him.

We went up to his/her place. In a moment of weakness I told her she could stay at my place. That the current situation was not a good one emotionally, she knew no one in the City and to come to my place to regroup. She readily accepted the offer....boy I had no idea what I was signing up for.

She kept drinking and wanting to send him accusatory texts etc....I got her not to. Rather he sent a text saying he was on his way home. I sat down on his sofa and told her to hide out in the loo. I heard him outside the door, I sat casually, legs crossed waiting, he opened the door, took one look at me there on his sofa, turned around, and walked out the door. About 5 minutes later I got a text tell me he had royally fucked up and we should talk....hmmmm ya think?

I agreed a discussion was in order and he should meet me at my place. She had moved her stuff to my place during the course of our afternoon. So I left her at his place, drinking wine and headed home. There he was and he knew he was busted. In a big way. We went up to my place and talked, it was somewhat surreal and funny, I expected to cry, to be upset, to yell. Instead I was calm. He tried to explain what really was inexplainable.

I advised she was going to stay with me until she figured out her next move, and that he should abstain from further contact with me. He replied that he loved me (yea right) and I *almost* fell for it! He headed back to his place (we live about 6 blocks from one another) and called to tell me she was passed out etc...and he did not know what to do. I told him he ordered her from Ohio he could figure it out.

The next morning on my doorstep she appeared. Hungover. Badly. She settled into my jr. one bedroom apartment a little too easily. Eating my food. Occupying my sofa. It became clear almost immediately she is crazy or unbalanced and had no intention of heading home despite her lack of money, job, or potential for either. Finally I had enough given that I work from home, I told her friends were coming to town that weekend and she needed to go, she went back to the Cubans last I knew of.

So good riddance to them both, and I hope they have lovely lives either separate or apart. But so began my dating trials in the city by the bay.

The Cuban and the Girl From Ohio, Part Deux.

The Cuban and I met in April. It started out lovely. Heart going pitter patter, anticipation everytime a text came, an email, a telephone call. Those late night conversations on the phone that I have not had since high school. He completely and utterly sideswept me. I was stunned this handsome, tall, intelligent, successful and creative man was interested in me. I felt sooo lucky! I tried to temper my feelings, I tried not to rush into anything but alas I failed miserably. In the beginning I came to the City a few times, however, I should have known almost immediately something was awry. He would make plans with me, well for me to come to see him, and then at the last minute he would cancel on me. I would be disappointed and confused, when really I should have been saying fuck him and moving on. But for whatever reason he had grabbed me.

I think now I was just so enraptured by this chemistry we shared which I had never experienced before. I was so thrilled to feel that instant affection that I heard about but had never had. In the beginning sex was amazing, intense, passionate. He was complimentary, it was like he knew everything I *wanted* to hear. I let the last minute cancellations slip, then I heard from him less, he selectively replied to texts and emails. I panicked. I called him and offered him an out, if he was not interested to let me know, as I did not want to develop any deeper feelings if the distance between us was too great. He was adamant he was very much interested. He came to Sacramento, but not to see me for work, and then he stopped by. I ignored that and forged on. Over the next couple of months he said amazing things to me....my logical self should have been ringing the alarm bells, but my heart was completely and utterly in the driver's seat.

Simultaneous to this relationship I was experiencing lots of changes, figuring out I needed to move for money reasons, generally being unhappy in Sacramento, and needing very much a change. I was spending loads of time with harpygirl and figured I would talk to my boss and see if relocating to the City was an option. It was. It was like the Universe was helping me along, things came together, I found a cute place I could afford, things were happening.

Meanwhile things between the Cuban and I became increasingly confusing for me. He seldom seemed to reply to emails, texts anymore, we saw each other sporadically, I continuously expressed concern. He assured me once I was in the City I would not be able to get rid of him. I kept him apprised, and he seemed thrilled I would be moving mid-July. I even took two weeks off work to help acclimate, and hoped we could spend time together since he worked from home etc.

Then the weekend of my move came, with a little help from countmockula, piggs, harpygirl, the sexy librarian, and my brother we made it happen. That first night I texted him and nothing. In fact there was nothing for almost a week. I was more than confused and disappointed, I tried not to let it get to me, kept myself occupied exploring etc.

Simultaneously this woman commented on a journal post I made on OkCupid. She seemed great. Funny, interesting, smart and we had loads in common AND she was new to the City. We exchanged phone numbers and made tentative plans to meet up sometime soon. The Saturday after I moved he called. It was the afternoon, I was thrilled when I saw his number pop up. I asked why he had not called sooner and he said he had wanted me to get settled etc. He was calling to invite me to an underground farmers market, however I had to decline as it was the same evening that harpygirl was having her cd release.

That week we spoke often, never quite finding time to meet up. The weekend came and I took a girls trip to my aunt's. He and I texted endlessly, it was wonderful, it really seemed as though all was right. That Tuesday we finally met up, he checked out my place, we had lunch, we took a nap together, it was everything I had thought it might be once I was here in the City. That weekend he mentioned he had plans, and harpygirl was otherwise indisposed so I decided to hit up my new friend from Ok Cupid to see what she was up to.

She mentioned a free movie, Dirty Harry, playing in Washington Square Park. It sounded fun we were exchanging messages, I asked where she was staying she mentioned in the Tenderloin, I was thrilled, so close! But I noticed she was being a little evasive as well, ultimately she said she was staying with a friend and the place was next to the Edinburgh Castle. My heart sunk. Part of me just knew. I asked if she was staying with *The Cuban's actual name. She replied yes. I sighed. I then asked if they were romantically involved, she said no but she wanted to be. At that point, I said I thought we ought to have drinks as there were some things we should talk about. We met at Amsterdam Cafe and I found out the "story."

Essentially he and she met online on OkCupid on the Friday before I was moving to the City. The same day he bought her a one way plane ticket to move into his 500 square foot studio on the promise that she would marry him. She had no job, no money and HAD NEVER met him but accepted the offer, and by Tuesday was in San Francisco. She said it started out swell, they had sex, hung out, and then the next day, nothing. Despite sleeping in the same bed night after night he stopped touching her, and well, needless to say things were awkward with them.

I asked her if she knew who I was when she commented on my journal. She said no, it was a coincidence. She did say she knew after the fact that he and I had been involved because he asked if she had made any friends. She showed him my profile and he indicated she should not mention to me where she was staying since I had been there and knew how small his place was, and that we had dated and I still wanted him. He then asked her not to speak to me.

What she did not know is he was still talking to me, sleeping with me, etc....and I had no idea this girl from Ohio was living with him.

She wanted to call him immediately, and I decided that it would be far more fun to fuck with him....

to be continued.

The Cuban and that girl from Ohio. Part One.

Back in November I really started putting myself out there to date again. Aside from an online presence, I have not had much success at meeting men, so I have stuck with what works, and have been an active user on Ok Cupid, its a fun site, seems like a more ecclectic bunch of folks, and its free. I was unsuccessful in really meet anyone in Sacramento, so I decided to take a leap of faith and expand my horizons to include the East Bay and San Francisco. I knew that if I met somone of interest I would not mind making the trip, and it would give me an excuse to hang out with harpygirl and just generally be more connected to things I enjoy, museums, nice restaurants, hiking, etc.

In April I posted a journal entry denoting a certain level of frustration that men I was interested in in the City were cautious because of my geographic location in Sacramento. I decided to journal and lament the fact that there were all these quality men just a stone's throw away, but they viewed it as galaxies away. In steps "The Cuban." He replied to my journal, and we got to talking. He was engaging, intelligent, attractive, all the things I hope to find. He did give me pause because he was 5 years younger, but he seemed genuinely interested, so I decided to take a chance. We were chatting for a few days and he mentioned it woud be nice to hang out, and was expressing that it would be nice if we could meet sooner rather than later, so on impulse I said I could be in the City that night. I called S and L in Berkeley and a plan was made for me to stay the night there etc.

That evening I was off to meet this very lovely Cuban. We met at a bar (which I later discovered was essentially next door to his apartment.) The chemistry was immediate, and palpable. I have never really had that happen, in fact I did not have much faith that it existed outside of a Hollywood set. But in he walked, my heart skipped a beat, and it was clear we were both experiencing something similar. It was lovely we talked for a bit, and then he invited me to his place. Needless to say, not the best decisions were made, and I spent the night. He said all of the right things, and acted the way I had hoped to be treated. Thus, our tryst began.

How did I get here?

I am not sure where I really saw myself on a personal level at the age of 33, but I can say that I don't think I envisioned the life I am currently leading. Throughout my twenties I felt secure that I would spend my life with drummer boy*, despite our dysfunctional, and oftentimes harmful relationship. I was committed to making it work through thick and thin, at least that is what I told myself then. In hindsight I realize I stayed due to lack of self-esteem, self-confidence issues, and just generally being terrified of being alone. With a lot of introspection I shed that person, and am a much stronger, self-assured, and indepenent woman. I am grateful for the end of that relationship because it taught me a lot about the person I was, the person I have become, and the types of intimate relationships I want for myself going forward in my life. I spent a long time single, not necessarily out of choice, but I believe the Universe was helping me figure myself out and help me become readied for whatever my next relationship would be. At the perfect moment in stepped computer boy, who was lovely, caring, open, trustworthy, and not the right person for me despite my every effort to make him so.

So here I am single again, and really for the first time, actually dating. As in meeting multiple people, and developing relationships with them simultaneously. Its been fun, interesting, and at times harrowing. As a result a friend at work suggested I blog about my many misadventures on the path to finding my match. So good, bad, and ugly, here are my experiences as a thritysomething in a new City trying my hand at dating.

*All names have been changed to protect the innocent, and the guilty.