So its been forever and a day since I posted anything here, primarily because I have not been dating. I will try to recap the last few months for all (or none) of my readers.
Scooter Boy-It ended, not the way I had hoped it would end, with a nice segue into friendship, but alas, I don't think anyone got too hurt. Once he returned from North Carolina, things were just off, we hung out just twice, and then I was busy, and my schedule was hectic, and well I could tell he was growing frustrated over my increasing unavailability. Also, I looked within myself and said, "hey, if you really liked this guy you would make time!" So it just wasn't there. Since we had been dating for a few months, I wanted to have a talk with him in person, I tried to set up a coffee date, to which he responded let's take the dogs to Fort Funston, I replied that I did not think I would have time (it was a workday morning) but if he was free for breakfast that would be good, he then replied by inviting himself over to go to a little diner by my place, at which point I said I had a meeting (I lied) in a different part of town, and could we meet somewhere. Incidentally all of this was via text. He replied in a huf, that it was not working for him, and well that was that. I told him I did not think text was appropriate to have the discussion, he replied he knew what was coming and he wanted to spare himself. Power trip much? So while it ended he never really let me say anything I had to say or to explain that it was not a timing issues, etc, but rather an incompatability issue. So at least that was taken care of, pre-Valentine's Day, which was making me increasingly uncomfortable.
Chef Boy-I almost hesitate to write about him. There are so many emotions, unanswered questions etc. The short answer is we have developed a lovely friendship, the long answer, I don't know when we went from lovers to just friends. In January we had a pretty awesome time together, specialty food show, movie night, impromptu lunch. He has been sick so I chalked up the lack of physicality to that, still making out happened etc. Then I was busy for a couple of weeks as was he. We reconnected and hit the shooting range for a few hours, had a lovely late afternoon lunch at Plow in Portreo, and when I dropped him off, nothing....no hug...no kiss...nothing. Up to that point that had never happened. He was anxious about a potential space for restaurant etc...Fast forward next day, I get super excited text message re: restaurant space being secured etc, he was so happy, and well I thought awesome I am the first person he thought to tell! But then, nothing. I helped him with some lawyerly stuff, he took me to a food tasting party thing, doted on me, told me I was pretty, and a kiss on the lips but not much else. We have not really hung out since then, email still happens etc. Last week he got news that the restaurant deal may go sideways, he emailed me, I called him that evening (a rare thing we never talk on the phone and I think it might have been the first time I called him without a stated reason) I just figured the weight of what was going on warranted a phone call not an email, he seemed a little bothered, and we just talked about how his afternoon meeting had gone etc, he ended the call weird telling me to "be well." So alas, I am fairly certain I am in the friend zone and I am not even sure how I got there, or why? I have never so much as mentioned anything like be my boyfriend or whatever. At this point, I am trying to wash my hands of it. Its hard, I really really like Jess, and not sure if without a little pull back I can do the just friends thing. He and I are suited in loads of ways, but also not in others.
At this point, I need a break. I can't keep putting myself out there to be rejected it hurts and well I am feeling a little fragile about it. I am trying to just be okay on my own etc, but sometimes the solitude is overwhelming and consuming. But hey, last time I gave up, Brandon came into my life.
Well that's all for now, oh except for the Icelandic ex-pat to whom I have been talking.
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