Decisions...Decisions.

Sigh. For someone who is generally on top of making life decisions, I sort of suck at making those decisions in my personal endeavors. This is clear based on my 8 year relationship with Rick whom I stayed with more out of habit than any genuine enduring love. So here I am, at the beginning of the year, and feeling like some decisions and house cleaning may be in order. Really it all relates to scooter boy, and what to do with that.

He returned from an extended trip to North Carolina on Saturday. We met up on Sunday evening, I made him go to open mic to see my friends Robin and Eric perform. Now here was the first hiccup. I love live music. Many of my friends are musicians, and well I always respect folks who get up in front of a crowd no matter how big or small and perform. I feel like that alone deserves a level of respect. While the music may not have been his style I felt like he was sort of annoyed we were there, which did not win any points with me. Robin and Eric are immensely talented and while the audience was small, I felt like they played their hearts out. We stayed for one more person and then took our leave for dinner.

Dinner, which brings me to my next point of contention. I like Asian food, don't get me wrong, but it is ALL he and I ever eat when we eat out. And despite being from San Francisco he has yet to suggest a single place that has blown me away. For whatever reason he suggested sushi in Japantown. Now for most people in the know, Japantown is maybe one of the worst places in town for sushi. And worse yet, we were both starving. For the record, I love sushi but its not my go to when I am starving its hard to feel completely satiated on a bunch of raw fish. He suggested the sushi boat place for instant gratification. This led to a bit of a meltdown on my part because (1) I do not like sitting shoulder to shoulder with people I know, let alone people I do not know; (2) at most Asian food places patrons smack loudly because culturally its a good thing, its like noodles and slurping, I CANNOT stand it, but get its cultural. So alas it was a miserable dining experience for me, and the sushi was terrible. If you are going to send food around on a boat it should look appetizing. None of the fish was terribly fresh etc. I had tried to steer him away from these choices without being rude but he did not quite get it. I was trying to be nice as well since I know after a run in North Carolina he probably had not had sushi etc...but afterward I made it clear NO MORE mediocre sushi AND never EVER again would I go to somewhere I had to jab someone in the side with because of their proximity to me.

So all of this leads me to the following....I think I need to break any and everything off with him. I am just not that into him. We have fun together, I like having a hang out buddy, and he makes me feel good, but there is too much there that bugs me, and/or reminds me of Rick that I think I should call it all off. But then where does that leave me? I feel selfish for hanging onto someone to hang out with when I know it cannot genuinely progress into something more, especially in light of the fact I am unwilling to stop seeing Chef Boy in favor of scooter boy. So now the painful discussion needs to happen, this just after had a discussion before he left. But I feel him getting increasingly attached, and I am not. Its bad when a few months in you find several things about the person annoying...but that seems to happen to me always. Maybe I am not designed for a relationship, I don't know. Argh....I hate this crap.

On a better note, Chef Boy is back, feeling better, we hung out yesterday, date tonight so yay. Also party tomorrow with several potential suitors I am being introduced to. Alright that's all I got.